Remembering Rich Mullins 20 Years Later

I worked with the soundtrack of Rich Mullins behind me today. Not unusual, I often play his music. But today, as I listened through every song Rich gave us, I felt the weight of the music. I was struck by the history of who I was 20 years ago and the reality of who I am now all contained in those songs.

It's been 20 years since Rich Mullins reached the other side of the Jordan.

I was in 9th grade when he died. Now I'm the parent of a 9th grader.

I could link to a dozen or more articles published in the last week about the impact Rich Mullins had on people's faith, and probably a few that debate his faith, his theology, and his weaknesses. But I've only glanced at everything that is being written about Rich on this anniversary. I'll probably go back in the next few weeks and read all of it, because I never stop longing for that community of people who knew Rich, either personally or just through his music. But today I'm taking it old school. Reading articles linked up on Calling Out Your Name, a website that makes me smile in all of its late 1990's glory. Feeling that weight.

Music can take you right back to you were when you first heard it, and it can speak to you right where you are in the moment you are hearing it again. And this is where I sit today.

And I had to sit here — on this blog.
Much neglected this year. To be honest, totally neglected.

One of the only things I've written for myself in months was this: "I don't write anymore, because my words are all too painful and incendiary."

It was short enough to tweet, but I didn't need 140 characters.

I could have summed that sentence up in one word. It isn't a word about not having time, as much as I toss lack of time out as a handy excuse for not writing. It's a word both simple and complex.

The word is FEAR.

I don't write anymore, and it all comes down to fear. 

The fear of telling stories and not having stories to tell. The fear of people reading and no one reading. The fear of being too much and not enough. The fear of being weak and finding strength. The fear of words both raw and honest.

So today, I sat and listed to every song Rich gave us. And I soaked in the rawness and the truth.

As I was on the elliptical machine at the gym (I really really don't recommend listening to Rich Mullins while working out — the singing, the the hand raising, and the crying can all be very dangerous while ellipticalling) I heard Bound To Come Some Trouble deep in my soul.

Bound To Come Some Trouble - Rich Mullins Video Link

I've listened to this sound hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, but today I was struck by the fact he intentionally addresses fear more than once.

There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't nothing to be afraid of
There's bound to come some trouble to your life
But that ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some trouble to your life
But reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there  

There's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't nothing to be ashamed of
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
That ain't no reason to fear
I know there's bound to come some tears up in your eyes
Reach out to Jesus, hold on tight
He's been there before and He knows what it's like
You'll find He's there  

This is what I heard:

Trouble and tears are coming.
No fear. No fear. No shame. No fear.
Reach out to Jesus. Hold on tight. 

My moment of clarity came. I've been doing this backwards.

Holding on to fear. Holding on to shame. Holding on to fear.
Not holding on, so much, to Jesus.

So today, I brushed aside the dust, and blew off the cobwebs, and I let go of fear, and I showed up to write, and in a few minutes I'm actually going to click publish.

And that is enough.

I'm not going to tell you the story of Rich, but know that his music changed my life. And 20 years later, I still listen and I still miss him. But I encourage you.... check out the articles written about Rich, the old ones and the new. Read the articles Rich wrote for RELEASE back in the day. Watch the movie and watch the old documentary and the new documentary. Listen to the music. Read a little Brennan Manning. It's all good for your soul.

But most of all... Don't be afraid. Hold on to Jesus. And be God's.

Tweet