It All Sounds Like Bitch

Have you had one of those days when everything anyone says to you sounds like it is coming out full-force bitch? They usually come after a very bad day, or maybe several very bad days in a row.

"I have good news," sounds like, "Hahaha! In your face, bitch!"

"Can I get some clarification?" sounds like, "I am pretty sure you are either lying to me right now or totally incompetent, bitch, so let's see if I can trip you up."

"The store doesn't open until 8am," sounds like, "You are such a stupid bitch; the store isn't even open yet."

"Here's the contact information for the person to whom you need to speak" sounds like, "You have to ask someone, bitch, things aren't just going to magically happen like unicorns sliding on rainbows."

"That means..." sounds like, "I know you are too stupid to understand the words coming out of my mouth."

"Thanks for asking," sounds like, "I can't even believe you are bothering me about this right now. Seriously. What a bitch."

This is where I am today. Every word that comes near me sounds like bitch.

Even when most of them probably aren't meant that way at all.

I have lost the ability to parse typed sentences without feeling offended.

But that isn't the worst of it.

I think I've lost my filter.

It disintegrated under to the pressure of stress.

I was in a group facebook message this morning. I asked a question, and was a little offended by the responses. Then I typed a response. I let my message sit for 30 minutes while I tried to calm down before actually sending it. Because you should never type back angry - especially in a group conversation with ten people. But at the end of the 30 minutes, I was still angry. Frustrated. Defensive. And possibly a little hurt.

I did the thing I should not have done. I hit send on my response message.

And my message? It was full-on bitch.

The biting sarcasm was thinly veiled. Very thinly. Invisibly veiled, really.

The spirit of my words was very clear: Don't mess with me, because I will take you out, bitch.

I'm not proud of it.

In fact, I'm more than a little ashamed of the words I used, even though I didn't actually curse or call anyone a bitch.

The worst part of it is that all of us in this group conversation are stressed. We are all working towards the same goal. We are all feeling the frustration of not being able to control bad circumstances or other people's choices. And we all really do love each other. But it is often those you love who can hurt you the most. This is especially true on a day when everything is coming out bitch.

So, if you need me for the rest of the day, I'll be the person hiding in the corner, in a self-imposed time out, trying to avoid everyone. I clearly need some time alone to practice using my nice words, and to compose an apology - one that doesn't include the word bitch. This might take a while.

Tweet