But this April was particularly hard as I lost two family members, my Uncle Bill and my step-sister Dawn, and a very dear friend, Marcia. The grief is strong, and it hits hard at all the unexpected moments. I still haven't been able to put many words down, even in my journal, because the flood of tears and hurt and memories come, and I find myself caught in those feelings.
Talking about floods, my hometown was flooded last week, and I'm still unsure if the storage unit that has all of our stuff packed away in it truly stayed dry or not. This sent my mind into an darkly colored anxiety-fest.
I've prayed over and over again, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21) And I find peace. Sometimes moment by moment, but it is there. Right when I need it.
I had to put all that out there, to say this: I'm thankful.
Even in the midst of the pain of loss. I'm thankful. And I have hope.
1. I'm thankful for friends, and most especially for my family, who have sat with me in my tears, and listened to my stories of those who I've lost.
2. I'm thankful for roller skating on the basketball court late at night, and learning to skate backwards.
3. I'm thankful for a new job that started this week, and working with an incredibly supportive team of amazing women.
4. I'm thankful Marcia Frame picked up the phone when I called her, crying, one cold November day. And I'm thankful my precious Katarina is ten years old, healthy, and here with me today.
5. I'm thankful for long conversations that bring understanding.
6. I'm thankful for driving way too fast down switchbacks in Sedona, with the windows down and the specially picked out classical music blaring. Pink elephants in bubbles. A soundtrack of fearlessness.
7. I'm thankful for Dropbox. When the SD card on my phone somehow ended up corrupted, erased, and forever broken this weekend, all of my pictures were safe, because they had already been automatically backed up in Dropbox. For free. (If you click this link and sign up, I make no money and you spend no money, but I do get a little extra space to store pictures in my account...and you get the protection of having all your pictures saved automatically. It was a huge blessing to me this weekend.)
8. I'm thankful for welcoming hugs, and a reminder of what it looks like to love through adversity.
9. I'm thankful for homemade library cards, old Nancy Drew books, and all the ways Katarina makes me smile every day.
10. I'm thankful for encouragement, no wrong answers, and the gift of being truly seen.
Those italicized thankfuls were memories I have held close to my heart the last two weeks. Memories I'm so thankful to have, and reminders that I was blessed to have these people in my life for the time they were on this earth.
What are you thankful for this week?
I'm so sorry for your losses, Tracie. Three in one month is pretty hard to take.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note, I am impressed that you can skate at all, let alone backwards. I can't skate AT ALL.
My brother made a "library" in his room when we were kids. He made cards and everything. It all started when he was given a printing kit (this was the mid-60's). We still have books in our family with his stamps inside!
Thank you so much. So far, May has been a far kinder month.
DeleteI used to skate all the time. Every Friday and many Saturday nights were spent at the skating rink when I was in middle school.
I love Love LOVE the library story! And I now wish we had a printing kit to make things with. But the best part is still having books with his library stamps inside. That is awesome.
The Dropbox one made me gasp - I'm so glad your photos are safe too.
ReplyDeleteThe Sedona story seems intriguing. I was there once and I think most of my stories of that time are interesting too.
So sorry for those hard losses. April is a weird month, compounded by loss and memories. Wishing you much health, brightness and the color yellow for May.
Sedona is so beautiful. I try to always take a trip up there when I visit my family in Phoenix. Now I want to hear some of your Sedona stories!
DeleteThank you for the good wishes. May has already been a much kinder month.
What do you do to store all your real camera pictures? I always want to ask this of photographers.
DeleteI take mine off my camera and put them on discs, but I do wonder if there is a better way.
I love the memories added in. So sorry for your loss. Lately April has been a bad month for me too, and this year was no exception. I'm thankful that it's over!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that April was bad for you, too. Hope May is treating you much nicer, and that both of us have good things for the rest of 2014.
DeleteWith you on #2, #6 and #9
ReplyDelete(Though I must confess that I never learned the backwards thing (ice or wood))
Read 'the Hardy Boys' of course
And driving fast...at night...with excellent music... well duh! Lol
Good to see here with us mutants* at the TToT
*well, speaking only for myself...and maybe. Zoe ...and Lizzi and....
Yes, I will stop now
You have to learn how to backwards skate! It is much easier on wood than on ice, but I can do it (badly) on ice as well.
DeleteThe Hardy Boys were awesome.
I love mutants! Guess that is why I fit in so well with all of you TToT-ers! :)
YOU CAN SKATE BACKWARD? Yeah Clark and you are right about driving fast to loud music is the best....and I will accept the mutant thing as actuallity... thanks, clark.
ReplyDeleteI CAN! And I would teach you how if we lived near each other.
DeleteMutants are awesome.
Driving fast with loud music is a must.
Our home flooded in 2010 and we had to rebuild it...it's not a pleasant experience. I plan to live far uphill from water when we move!
ReplyDeleteOh no. That is terrible.
DeleteI don't blame you for wanting to move uphill after that experience!
That's a lot to experience in one month. May you find peace and opportunities to smile through the tears.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very much.
DeleteOh Tracie, so much sadness for one month. I'm glad you have people who love you and listen and support you in such difficult times. I pray you can continue to smile as you grieve, remembering all of the wonderful stories of those you've lost.
ReplyDeleteI remember learning to skate backwards, too. It was quite a badge of honor back in the day. :)
Being able to skate backwards really was a badge of honor!
DeleteIt is a blessing to have supportive people. Thank you for your good wishes. The smiles that come from all the good memories really do help.
Tracie, I'm so sorry that you have had to endure so much loss these past weeks. That on top of an already difficult month. It is wonderful that you could come here and still find so much to be thankful for and I am grateful to you for that. Your strength is inspiring. I'm happy you have people to rely on in these hard times and memories to keep. I will keep you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh dear friend, I have been wondering how you were and where you were...
ReplyDeleteI love this list. You so beautifully capture the pain in hardship and loss, balanced with ever-needed love, support and faith. I am so so sorry, you have to be enduring such hardships during an already raw and difficult month.
I have been listening to 90 minutes in Heaven (Don Piper) and I immediately visualize Heaven every single time I read of a loved one passing. I have this new perspective (in addition to reading Heaven if for Real) that shifted my 'I wonder" to "WOW".
Just felt the need to share those books- not sure if there's a God reason for it.
I am praying for you, sweet friend. Keep writing as much as you can- your words are a gift, and I'm sure a healing tool for you as well.
I am so sorry for your losses and so amazed by your grace and strength. You inspire me, lady. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteI use dropbox too, quiet like it Ido.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your losses last month my daughter always things these things come if threes and this makes me think she might be onto something that and the fact we often notice we don't lose one person but three within months of each other.
What a great list, even in the midst of so much loss. I do feel your pain, my friend and am lifting you up in my prayers. Congrats on the job and yay for saved pics. That would be devastating.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. It was a healing exercise for me. And I thank you for leading the way by sharing so openly on your own blog - especially as it comes to these thankful posts - you have created a space and community to share in special ways.
ReplyDelete