Being able to sing, act, or throw a ball does not make someone wise, and it does not guarantee that they will make good life choices. You hurt your children when you set these people up as role models. Just stop.
Tracie
I was recently in a meeting focused on educating children about underage drinking. During the conversation, someone asked what celebrities should be brought in as role models; moms were naming actors, sports stars, and singers left and right. One mom suggested a "I don't drink; neither should you" celebrity movement, saying that her kids (who were not yet even teens) were much more likely to listen to their favorite tv star than to her.
I was the only voice of dissent in that meeting, suggesting that instead of having celebrities make commercials saying, "I don't drink; neither should you," we could give our kids the facts about underage drinking, and have honest conversations about alcohol with them. We could focus on teaching our kids how to make good decisions, instead of telling them to follow a crowd - a crowd that might not always go where we want it to go.
Role Model: a person who serves as a model in a particular behavioral or social role for another person to emulate, especially younger people
You are your child's first role model. From the time they are born, they look to you to learn about life. That is a precious responsibility, don't hand it over to someone else. Talk to your children. Be honest with them. Listen to them. Get to know their hearts, and show them yours.
Would you walk up to a total stranger on the street, and ask him to tell your kids what to do with their lives?
That is what celebrities are - strangers. We might feel like we know them, they are on our televisions and magazines everyday and we hear humorous stories about their lives on late night shows; but we don't actually know these celebrities, and neither do our children.
You can teach important life lessons without having celebrities as examples.
Please don't put your trust in a celebrity to show your kid the right path to take in life, even if they are in a kid's show, have an inspiring personal story, make great music, contribute to charities, have amazing athletic abilities, or gave a great speech yesterday. Do not hold them up to your kids, and say, "Be like this person."
You have no guarantees that the celebrity you praised won't make new decisions about what they believe, say, or do tomorrow. That is a lot of trust to give to someone you don't know, and have no personal relationship with. I am not willing to take that kind of gamble with my kid's life.
I am not suggesting that your children won't have a favorite actor, singer, or ball player. I am saying it is our job as parents to put those favorites into perspective.
Your plans, your relationship with God, and your personal decisions should not be based on someone else's life or beliefs.
You will not empower your children to make their own good decisions when you tell them to follow someone else, and do what they do. You empower your children by giving them knowledge, sharing your values, having open and honest communication with them, and teaching them to think for themselves.
Stop building celebrities up as role models for your children, and you won't have to worry when they get busted for drugs, have an affair, say something dumb in an interview, get arrested for assault, or give a hyper-sexualized performance on national television. It won't be a big deal to your kids, because they were not modeling their lives after that person anyway.
And you won't have to spend time complaining that someone, who never asked for or earned the job, stopped being a good role model for your children.
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This. All of this and then some.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree! I think it's great when my children like a singer,musician, actor, athlete or politician. It can be a great way to spark learning and show them a new area of interest. But my husband and I are very clear that talented people are still just people. I think when a celebrity "falls from grace" it's a perfect opportunity to talk to our kids about the perils of getting too much too fast, of drugs and alcohol, making mistakes, and being human. It's also a great time to remember that we all make mistakes. Thanks for a great post!
ReplyDeleteI think when that spark of interest happens, you can take it from what the celebrity is doing to what your child would like to do. Use it to spur their creativity instead of their copying abilities.
DeleteMost definitely celebrities public behavior can become teachable moments. I love that you remind your kids that talented people are still just people, and people mess up.
It is so hard in our culture, though, where celebrity is idolized. While I would never actively encourage my children to want to be like any famous person, if I know there is someone they admire who happens to be famous and is making good choices I will tell them so. And I will equally point out those celebrities making poor choices. Great post Tracie!-Ashley
ReplyDeleteIdolized is the perfect word. This culture is pretty much a 24 hour celebrity worship fest, it is hard to get away from it.
DeleteLove that you use the choices your kids see to have conversations with them.
Awesome post. And I love what Ashley said about pointing out good and bad choices. There will inevitably be many to see from celebrities but they are humans, and ones finding themselves just as well or as poorly as we all do. Role models start at home. Period.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I liked what Ashley said, too. It is great to use those teachable moments with our kids.
DeleteCelebrities are human too and they make plenty of mistakes. Personally I don't want my kids modeling them - our day to day lives and the issues we face are very different from theirs. In the end it is our responsibility as parents to instill good values in our kids...really, the buck stops here.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right that our lives and issues are different from theirs. It is also true that a lot of what we see from them publicly is carefully orchestrated by a team of managers and publicists. Very little comes from the heart.
DeleteOh man what a great post and so true! We as parents have to do our jobs we can't depend on others to do it for us.
ReplyDeleteYES. YES. AND YES. It's the same thing with prayer not being in schools too - I am not going to rely on a teacher to teach my child about God or prayer. (Besides prayer is in schools - and I don't think anyone is big enough to kick God out of anywhere.) School is for history and english, et al. I will teach them about religion, drugs, drinking, sex and all that related stuff under my roof. I will not rely on celebrities or teachers to shape my kids moral and ethical foundation. ::end rant:: :)
ReplyDeleteI love this Tracie. Just LOVE IT! Why in the world do we think that strangers should be our kids' role models? NO. Just no.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully and eloquently put, my friend!
Well said. People are sometimes so scared to speak truth to their children, and yet nobody else will ever know them the way we do. Bravo Tracie!
ReplyDeleteWhat an honest and on target post! I remind my kids often that the people they see on TV are people just like them. They are playing roles and their real lives are probabl nothing like what we see. I agree that we are and should always be our children's first role models and examples.
ReplyDeleteYour point about whether we would stop a stranger and ask them to teach our child somethign truly stuck with me. That is such a great way to explain the danger of allowing celebreties to become the example in their lives.