Mustard Toe

Yesterday I decided to paint my toenails yellow. But I think the nail polish melted, it was runny and strange. When I pulled the little brush out of the bottle, the yellow polish went all over my big toe.

I was successful in hopping to the bathroom without getting polish on the floor - only to remember that I was out of nail polish remover. By this time the polish had dried on my toe, and even after much scrubbing, a lot of yellow remained. Apparently in its melted state, this polish bonds to skin in an extreme way - its own personal super power.

I added nail polish remover to the shopping list, forgot about it, and got on with my life.

Today I threw on a pair of flip flops to pick up the mail. Looking down halfway there, I realized that my toe looked like it was covered in dried mustard. I contemplated spilling a bottle of red polish on my other big toe. I could pretend it was ketchup, and avoid a trip to the store. Maybe not.

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Katarina looked up at me with her big, brown eyes tonight, and said, "It is my birthday week, and You've Got Mail makes me so very happy. May we please watch it?"

There was no good way to say no to that - even though it is the movie that kills dreams - so I'm sitting next to her watching it. I'm hoping she will fall asleep before the bookstore is destroyed, so I can turn it off in a happy place. I doubt that will happen.

This is my world - the movie that kills dreams and a mustard toe...accompanied by a sudden desire for a corn dog and some chili cheese fries with mustard and ketchup.

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July 2012 Edition Blog Against Child Abuse

The July 2012 Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is up at Kate is Rising.

I want to thank Kate for all the work she did, hosting and organizing the carnival. We have some great submissions this month, with a focus on "what works." 

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The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse provides an opportunity to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse and to share important posts with others who might not be frequent readers of an author's blog. There are so many wonderful bloggers who are contributing to the cause of ending and recovering from child abuse. If you, as a reader or author, know of other blogs that you find helpful, please encourage them to submit to an upcoming issue of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse so we can continue to receive high quality submissions from a wide swath of bloggers.

Many thanks to all of you who shared your hearts and stories with us, and to all of you who read the submissions and show your support. You keep this carnival, the awareness, support, and healing going each month.

To provide another way for you to stay in contact with the blog carnival, and make sure you don't miss any updates, we have a Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Facebook Page.

Thank you for raising your voice and speaking out against child abuse!

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The Care and Handling of Roses with Thorns

I love when a book has a character with an interest or hobby, and details about it are woven into the story. I feel like I get a better feel for the character as I learn about what he or she is passionate about, and I also learn about something I might not have been familiar with previously.

In The Care and Handling of Roses with Thorns, author Margaret Dilloway does a wonderful job weaving in the main character, Gal's, passion for roses. Gal isn't one of those people who has a few rose bushes in her back yard, she is actually a rose breeder - working to invent a new Hulthemia rose through careful cultivation and cross-pollination.

Lest you think this book is all roses and gardening, let me assure you there is also a very human story in between the petals. Gal is a high school biology teacher; the kind with very strict standards and little mercy on her students. She is also a dialysis patient, waiting and hoping for a kidney transplant. Gal's world is changed (or to quote the Fresh Prince, "flip-turned upside down") when her irresponsible sister leaves the country, and Gal is tasked with caring for her teen niece, Riley.

I enjoyed this book. My previous knowledge of roses was confined to noting how expensive a dozen long-stemmed red roses are on Valentine's Day, but now I have a much better idea what goes into creating a new breed of roses (a LOT of work). It was very interesting, without being too technical or taking over the story.

More than that, I found Gal to be an interesting character, although certainly flawed. I enjoyed watching her grow throughout the story, and especially liked the relationship she was able to build with her niece, and the unexpected love she finally allowed into her world.

Do you garden? If so, do you have roses?
You can join in the conversation, and find out more about The Care and Handling of Roses with Thorns at BlogHer.

*Legal Stuff: This was a paid review for the BlogHer Book Club, and I was provided a copy of the book to read, by BlogHer and Putnam Books. The opinions expressed are my own, and I was not required to say nice things.

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What Works - Stepping Back

I have been giving a lot of thought to the theme Kate chose for this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: What Works. Possibly because I've asked myself that more than once this month. What works? What do I need to do this minute, this hour, this day, to make it through.

There are a lot of steps I go through when I find myself in crisis, or dealing with a hard patch of road on the healing path. Tips and tricks and healthy coping mechanisms (I try to stay far away from the unhealthy ones).

Today I want to share what works when I find myself feeling overwhelmed and moving toward deep depression or crisis mode. If I catch the symptoms early and do something about it, sometimes reaching that crisis point can be averted.

Learn when it is time to step back.
When I start to feel overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, I have learned to stop and ask myself: What is overwhelming me? What is contributing to my stress?

Often there is something relatively small - like reading too much news - that is pushing me towards the edge.

If I know I'm having a hard week, and dealing with tough things, delving into news stories isn't what is best for me. I can turn the channel, and focus on something else. The news will still be there when I'm ready to turn it back on.

The same is true of social media. Facebook. Twitter. Support groups. Blogs. There are days when I can be a support for someone else, or days when reaching out for support is a good thing. But there are also days when I have no business putting myself in those positions.


When it is time to step back - actually do it!
Stepping back isn't mean, or rude, or irresponsible, or selfish, or any other negative word. Stepping back can be healthy. It gives you a chance to regain clarity, and return strengthened.

Stepping back also doesn't mean shutting down. Don't confuse the need to step back with hiding, or avoiding, or denying. I have done those things in the past, and it wasn't good.

Stepping back is about looking at you life in this moment - recognizing what is pushing you near the edge or over the edge - and setting a boundary for yourself. Maybe it would be no news stories for three days. Or shutting down the computer for a weekend. These are both things I have done in the past with great results.


Remember: Stepping back isn't a quick fix.
Setting a boundary and taking a step back won't be a quick fix for your entire life. What it will do is give you a chance to set aside something that is causing you unneeded stress, so you can focus your energies elsewhere.

It is a chance to focus on healing, or to just have a small break. The rest of the healing work you do will still be work, but hopefully reducing some of the stress will make that work go a little smoother.


Stepping back isn't just for people who are trying to heal.
This is something that can be good for anyone. With the clarity of stepping back, you may find that there is something in your life (it could be a choice you are making over and over again, a relationship, things around you, or a job or volunteer position) that has become unhealthy for you - even if it didn't start out that way.

Sometimes a thing starts out good, and is can still be good for other people, but you realize after a time that it has become unhealthy for you. If that is the case, you might need to do more than just step back, you might need to take a long break or cut it out of your life entirely.


Have you ever taken a step back from something and found the time away to be helpful?

There is still time to submit a blog post for this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I would love to read your stories, and your tips for what works as you walk the healing path. 

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The Future's Bright - You Gotta Wear Shades

The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades. You should wear them, too.

Last week I participated in a virtual briefing with The Motherhood and members of The Vision Council. Which is to say, I geeked out during a conference call about UV Rays and eye health, and am now officially more obsessed with sunglasses than I was before the call.

Do you wear sunglasses when you spend time outside? Do your kids?

These sunglasses on the top of my head are holding my hair back, 

but they aren't doing anything for my eyes.

Sunglasses with UV protection are one of the best ways to protect your eye health.

What is the big deal about UV rays?

• UV exposure at any age can cause both short and long term vision problems. Many of which can't be reversed.
• UVA and UVB rays are constantly penetrating the Earth’s surface, leaving unprotected eyes exposed to harmful radiation.
• UV levels are at their highest during summer months, especially between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.
• UV rays are higher on those sunny, summer days, but they are dangerous every day. Overcast skies still allow 31 percent of solar radiation to reach the Earth's surface.
• Just like you wear sunscreen when it is sunny or cloudy to prevent a sunburn, you need to protect your eyes from harmful UV rays with a pair of UV-protective sunglasses.

UV Rays and Children

• In a recent survey of 10,000 U.S. adults, 73 percent of parents wear sunglasses to protect their eyes from ultraviolet radiation, while only 58 percent have their children wear sunglasses.
• Children receive three times the annual sun exposure of adults.
• The lens in a child's eye is not fully developed, and cannot filter out as many UV rays as an adult lens. This means more radiation reaches the retina of a child with unprotected eyes

I want to tell you how the information I learned impacted me on a personal level. As Dr. Dora Adamopoulos gave us a list of short term to cumulative damage exposure to UV rays can cause (Did you know your eyes can get a sunburn, called Photokeratitis? I didn't!), one phrase jumped out at me - Macular Degeneration.

My grandpa was athletic. He golfed. He swam (and had a secret trick to make the biggest splashes in a splash war). And when I was a kid, he went out in the hot Phoenix sun several times a week to play tennis. Although he wore sunglasses while driving, his blue eyes were largely unprotected during most of these outdoor sports. By the time I was a teen, he learned that he had Macular Degeneration. His eyesight deteriorated quickly, and in the last week of his life, he was completely blind.

Things I didn't know until last week:

• Blue eyes are more at risk for UV damage than brown eyes.
• In recent studies, Phoenix was in the top 10 cities for high rates of damaging UV radiation.
• Long term exposure to UV rays can contribute to Macular Degeneration. 

Putting together the pieces of this puzzle about Macular Degeneration and what may have contributed to my Grandpa's eye issues reinforced my drive to make sure I'm protecting my own eyes as well as Katarina's from UV damage.

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There is a lot of talk about preventative health care, and how important it is to take steps to prevent health issues before they happen. Wearing sunglasses is a simple (and fairly inexpensive) step you can take to prevent damage to your and your children's eyes.

You might be freaking out about UV rays right about now (I know I was when I learned this stuff), so I'm going to give you a few tips on sunglasses:

• Sunglasses don't have to be expensive to be good. 
• Buy your sunglasses from a reputable retailer (like a drug store, mass retailer, or an eye care professional's office), and not from street vendors or online auction sites.
• Check any sunglasses you intend to buy for a label, sticker, or tag from the American National Standards Institute (ANSI). The label "UV 380" covers all UVA and UVB rays, and indicates a UV-protective pair of glasses.
• When buying a pair of sunglasses for your child, try them on yourself. Make sure you can see clearly and there is no lens distortion.
• Wear your sunglasses each time you go outside! They won't do you any good sitting in the bottom of your purse - you have to put them on to get the benefits of protection.

For more information about eye health, and how sunglasses with UV protection play an important part, visit The Bureau of Missing Sunglasses. They have a widget where you can enter your zip code and see what the UV index is for your local area. You can also connect with The Vision Council on facebook.

Keep your future bright and your eyes healthy - wear sunglasses.

Do you wear sunglasses when you leave the house?

*Legal Stuff: This post was sponsored by The Motherhood and The Vision Council. I was compensated for my time, but any opinions expressed are my own. I honestly enjoyed learning more about eye health. 

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Do Book Dogs Really Exist?

I just finished a book about a dog, The Art of Racing in the Rain. Or really a book about a man and his family told from the perspective of a dog. Actually it is about death, a demonic stuffed zebra, a child molestation accusation, a custody battle, and race car drivers. It needed more dog-ish-ness. The dog narrator spent a large portion of the time obsessed with a documentary he saw that said some dogs will be reincarnated as men, and trying to prepare for that eventuality.

It was the second dog book I read this year, the first was The Story of Edgar Sawtelle, which came to me via Thomas, in a box of garage sale books. It was more about breeding and training dogs. Also it was about murder and ghosts.

Thomas longs to read fun books, but he doesn't have the time or attention to do it, so he brings books home for me to read and summarize for him. I don't complain about this system, even if it does result in the occasional odd book.

Back to the dog books. I wonder if these authors had magical dogs who really listened to them with understanding, and had magical powers of empathy and love. Because book dogs seem rife with these characteristics.

I had a dog when I was a kid. Her name was Diamond. She was pretty, a Black Lab and German Shepherd mix, with perky ears, all black except for a white diamond on her chest. When she first came to us, I imagined in my only-child-book-loving-heart that she would be like a book dog. My new best friend, content to sit for hours listening to my every word, knowing exactly when to bring a toy to distract me with play, and knowing when to lay her head understandingly on my knee.

She did none of those things. Mostly she worked out new ways to jump our fence. And she chewed through several Nancy Drew books, a couch, an entire set of lawn furniture (not the plastic kind), a few pool cues, and everything else that would stay still long enough for her to get her teeth on it.

When she wasn't chewing on things, she was sweet. Not much of a cuddler, though, and not seemingly in possession of all those super book dog traits. Is it mean to say I was disappointed at first? As time passed, I loved her for who she was, all book dog failings aside. I'm sure she spent less time philosophizing about humans, and more time wondering why we kept taking our fur off and replacing it with new fur (none of which is particularly furry) from the cabinet in the wall we call a closet.

Dog book authors - did they have magical childhood pets, are they big fans of anthropomorphism, or just people looking for an interesting hook for a worn out story?

Do you have a dog with book dog traits?

*Best dog book ever: Where The Red Fern Grows. Actually about dogs and love. Not so much about gardening, no matter what the title indicates. 

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Happiness Is A Home Cooked Dinner

We went to a friend's house last week, and she let Katarina make spaghetti for dinner. It was great fun, as Katarina dearly desires to cook.

And it was very yummy, too! 

Happiness is a home cooked meal, and getting to see the proud look on your daughter's face when everyone sits down at the table to eat her dinner.

What is making you happy today?

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The Power Of Words

I haven't been reading  blogs as much as I did in the past. I used to average 90 posts a day - and I know I haven't even glanced at 90 posts in the last two months. On Friday night I opened my reader, and ran through it, opening up thirty-five random posts to read. And I realized why I haven't been reading.

The words. So many words. Beautiful words. I cried through more than one post. I cheered through a couple. I laughed. At least one made me want to throw things. It was an emotional ride.

I couldn't even begin to link to all the great and interesting and heartbreaking and beautiful things I read (especially in five minutes).

The emotions. I've been hiding from them. Some days it is too hard to deal with my own emotions, much less the new ones brought up from other people's words. But I needed it. I needed to sit in a quiet room and open up my heart to all those words. It was cleansing, and healing, and thought provoking, and so many other things.

A lot of people said something like this about writing, "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein."

Sometimes reading is a little like that in some ways - the power of words.

This was five minute stream of consciousness writing with my friend, Jana.
Check her out, and learn some important things about Group B Strep.

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Ten Years On Our Way To Forever

Thomas took me to the beach one night in April. We stood under the stars, the white sand beneath us, looking out at the moon reflected on the water. He got down on one knee and proposed. I said yes.

Ten years ago we stood in our pastor's house at midnight on July 12, and made promises to each other. We promised to love and cherish. To stick it out, rich or poor, through health and sickness, no matter what would come our way. We promised that this marriage would last forever.

Two weeks later, we did it all over again in Arizona with my family. This time I had a fancy dress and we smooshed cake in each other's faces during the reception. It was good cake, chocolate with raspberry filling and butter-cream icing. But the thing I remember most is the look on Thomas' face when he saw me walking down the aisle, and making those promises again.

A third wedding with our friends and Thomas' family followed that October.

It has been ten years since our year of three weddings.

Ten years is a long time. Double digits. A decade. X.

So many people were sure we wouldn't make it. They tried to talk us out of getting married, sure that our personality and age differences were too big of a hurdle to overcome. We remember each person who stood with us, and supported us, and will be forever grateful for their love.

Those promises we made to each other have been tested and stretched, and we have stood firm, together.

We witnessed a miracle, and the birth of our daughter.

We made it through job changes and an unplanned move to a new city.

Thomas has supported me as I've pursued healing. And he has encouraged me to write - even when I write about him on his day off from work, his attempt to buy clothes for me, his insistence on making me watch youtube videos, and his crazy dreams.

He has proved himself to be an amazing father, and a wonderful husband.

I have been blessed to spend the last ten years married to my best friend. And I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

I'm looking forward to our next ten years together, on our way to forever.
I love you, Thomas, with much muchiness and all my heart.

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Daniel Tosh - Still Making Rape Jokes

Daniel Tosh said, "Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her?"

I officially have too many blog posts here with some variation of the title Rape Is Not Funny - but I am going to have one more today. Because it is still an issue. Because people like Daniel Tosh are still making rape jokes, and companies like the Laugh Factory and Comedy Central are still giving them a place to do it.

Cookies for Breakfast shared her friend's story today on her blog. It started with Daniel Tosh on stage at the Laugh Factory making generalizing, declarative statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, and rape is hilarious.

Her friend yelled out, “Actually, rape jokes are never funny!” Tosh replied with the quote I shared above, "Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, five guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her?"

This isn't the first time Daniel Tosh has made a rape joke - there are countless videos, articles, and clips that can be seen on his Comedy Central Tosh.O show if you want to look them up. He is a repeat rape joke offender.

This is what I want you to know: Rape jokes hurt survivors. Rape jokes lead rapists to believe that you are okay with it, that maybe you do it too, and that you think it is fine, normal, and even funny. Rape is no joke, and it certainly isn't funny. The rape culture needs to stop, and we need to stand up and speak out against it.

*Thanks to Lee for finding the post at Cookies for Breakfast, and writing about it in Life Lesson: Rape is NEVER a Joke. She made some great points, including, "What would Tosh have done if some drunk guys in the audience had thought it wasn’t a bad idea and decided to take him up on his idea and actually jumped her right there in the club? Would he have stopped it or cheered them on?" It is definitely something to think about.

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Bring On The Happy

Things that are making me happy today:

• Blueberry Bagels.
• Puppies.
• Working on projects with people who are awesome.                 (see also: everyone at Band Back Together)
• Squishy pillows, perfect for napping.
• Comfy t-shirts. 
• My super awesome kid who is currently dusting without being told to do it.
• Strawberry Jam.
• A cool breeze.
• This picture

It feels a little like a vacation - even though it is really just the view from my door last weekend.

What is making you happy today?

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Now Accepting Submissions for the July 2012 Edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is a monthly event. Its purpose is to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse. All forms of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, verbal) are discussed.



The July edition of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse will be hosted at Kate Is Rising. 


The theme: What Works.

This is a great opportunity to share some of the things that have helped you heal and grow as you work through the aftermath of childhood abuse. Check out Kate's announcement post for more information.

All of our regular categories will also be open:
-Advocacy and Awareness
-Aftermath
-Healing and Therapy
-In the News
-Poetry
-Survivor Stories
-Art Therapy

The deadline for submissions is July 25th, and the carnival will be posted on the 27th. I'm excited to see what y'all share this month. You can submit something written especially for this edition, but please feel free to submit an older post as well.

To submit a blog post, please fill out this form.

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The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse provides an opportunity to raise awareness about the serious issue of child abuse and to share important posts with others who might not be frequent readers of an author's blog. There are so many wonderful bloggers who are contributing to the cause of ending and recovering from child abuse. If you, as a reader or author, know of other blogs that you find helpful, please encourage them to submit to an upcoming issue of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse so we can continue to receive high quality submissions from a wide swath of bloggers.

Many thanks to all of you who shared your hearts and stories with us, and to all of you who read the submissions and show your support. You keep this carnival, the awareness, support, and healing going each month.

To provide another way for you to stay in contact with the blog carnival, and make sure you don't miss any updates; you can like the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Facebook Page.

Thank you for raising your voice and speaking out against child abuse!

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You Take It From Here

You Take It From Here is the newest novel from Pamela Ribon. It is the story of best friends Danielle and Smidge. When Danielle goes to Louisiana for their annual girls' vacation, Smidge drops the news that she has terminal cancer.

Before Danielle can fully process this announcement, Smidge shares her final request (more of a demand, really). She wants Danielle to marry her husband, raise her 13 year-old daughter, and take over her life after she dies. Danielle is sworn to secrecy about the request and the cancer.

Smidge's personality is bossy, manipulative, and infuriating - she is a force. When she shares her plan, Danielle doesn't know how to tell her no, even though there is no way she could possibly say yes.

I love that the book was written as a letter from Danielle to Smidge's daughter Jenny, years later. It is Danielle's attempt to tell Jenny the entire truth about her mother, their relationship, and the choices they made. She starts with, "Jenny, I've got this hunch that if you're reading this, your other hand is currently holding a lit match," and I was hooked immediately.

I'm not going to give away anything else about the book. I don't want to take away from the moments you will find yourself laughing at the most inappropriate times by hinting at them. Because you will be laughing.

I read it in one sitting, unable to put it down. I dried my eyes, and sent out this tweet, which really explains the book in its entirety:

I just finished @pamelaribon's You Take It From Here. Laughed and cried buckets of tears simultaneously.
— Tracie(@fromtracie) June 19, 2012

And then I sent my best friend a crazy long email declaring my love, and detailing a list of things we would and would not do for each other if one of us was to find ourselves in a health crisis.

If the standard of a good book is the emotions it conveys, the thoughts it sparks, and the way you find it touching your life after you close the pages, because the story sits with you (and I think it is), then this book is more than good. It is spectacular.

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You Take it From Here will be released on July 3rd. Make sure you pick up a box of tissues when you get your copy, so you will be prepared. Once you finish it, and realize you want more Pamela Ribon in you life, you can check out her three other novels, and her blog at Pamie.com.

I have loved Pamie since I first found her writing recaps of Gilmore Girls at TelevisionWithoutPity back in 2000, and eventually found my way to her blog. It was one of the first blogs I ever read, and is part of the reason I am here writing, today. Just thought you should know that. I tried not to let my love influence my thoughts about the book. It wasn't that hard to do, because the book stands on its own.

Legal Stuff: I received a free copy of the book from Rare Bird Lit. I was not compensated in any other way, and I was not required to say nice things.

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