Do you hear them?
The critiques.
The negativity.
The judgments.
They fill my thoughts.
I hear them leave my mouth. Words that tear down. Words that demoralize. I speak them over myself, over those around me, over situations and people beyond my control. They are toxic, these words of darkness and criticism.
I catch myself saying them, and try to stop before they infect my daughters thoughts.
It happened tonight when a song came on the television, "Ugh. That sucks, right? Who is listening to this junk?" I looked over at Katarina, and see her crestfallen face.
"I kind of like them," she asserts.
My first instinct is to school her on music - seriously, do all those years of good music mean nothing? The videos and documentaries, radio stations, concerts, and playlists? She has been surrounded by the best music her whole life, a wide range of it. Is it all going to be washed away in a flood of Disney stars?
I don't love the song, but I'm proud of her for not just going along with me, and my harsh appraisal. I hear a small inner voice say, "Stop. Let her make her own way. Ask her what she likes about this song. Give her a chance."
Tune out the negative words in your mind, and listen.
The prompt: Start your post with the word "Listen."
Good on ya, mama. <3
ReplyDeleteP.S. Dying to know what the song was now! ;)
Me too!
DeleteIt was http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo0AKlTxEQw&feature=fvwrel - they were the musical guests on a show. And I have to say that looking them up and actually paying attention to the lyrics, I'm not loving the fact that they say "I'm feeling stupid" over and over. ugh.
DeleteI love this brave post.
ReplyDeleteIt's too easy to ignore that small voice.
Way to go mama for listening and letting her be the strong girl that she is!
Thank you, Galit.
DeleteI'm working on it one day at a time!
Love this! I can relate on the Disney level in a way. I'm always telling my husband how I pray that my 6 m.o. daughter doesn't want a Disney princess bedroom one day, but like you said - we'll let her find her own way.
ReplyDeleteMy parents succeeded in influencing a lot of my music choices but of course I had to stray in keeping with the evolving times. Be strong, and keep your headphones close ;)
My headphones are actually on right now!
DeleteThe thing Disney does that is genius for them and annoying for me is, no matter what show you watch, it seems like between the show and the commercials there are at least four performances of one Disney star or another, so there is no way to get away from it.
Walking a find line here with my grand daughter of 17 who is really changing her behavior "through her church" for the better. No drinking, drugs, etc... though she keeps being drawn back to the "guy" who keeps saying he is going to change. He is 18 and she hears him every night tell her the things he is changing. I of course see it with different eyes. AT 18, still can't find another job (he's left seven or more in the last year I've known him because no one treats him right) and the list goes on. He has no respect for authority and blames everything on having no father and a mother who works two jobs sometimes all his life to keep off the system.
ReplyDeleteI don't tell her she can't do, though I tell her the truth of things and he has proved me right. Yet when she is "lonely" because her friends aren't available to run her, she seeks him out. Of course the blessing with no job is he doesn't have the means to run her either. Unless she pays.
I understand what you mean when you had the feeling of saying something and then also wanting her to seek her own way. Where do you draw the line?
That is really hard, Jacki. Especially when you are the grandmother and not the mom, because there is only so much that you can do.
DeleteI hope she comes to understand that he is not good for her soon, and cuts off the relationship.
reminds me of when I was talking with senior ladies about men with comb-overs. I didn't notice a man at the edge who had one. words are hard to snatch back but at least dialogue after is possible.
ReplyDeleteOooh! I had a similar moment last week when we were in the store and I told Thomas I wasn't buying a shirt, "because it is too old lady-ish" and then turned around to see a lady who was probably 85 standing behind me. Not good.
DeleteTune out the negative words in your mind, and listen.
ReplyDeleteIt would not hurt me to stitch this line on a pillow and place it on my bed so I could see it at the start of each day.
I need one of those pillows, too!
DeleteI thought the same thing as I read - good for her for not just agreeing with you. I listen to all the awesomely bad music on the radio and shudder to think what my boys will choose when they are tweens and teens. Sigh. But you're right - I have to just pause and listen (to them if not the horrible music). Great post.
ReplyDeleteAnd really, isn't listening to them much better than listening to the horrible music? ;-)
DeleteSuch a hard lesson for the mama to learn! Proud of you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Beth!
DeleteI've learned from my friends to respect my kids' musical vision, because in the end, they will guide me, not the other way around. But that only works when there's mutual respect.
ReplyDelete