After my granddaddy died, his nephew came to visit. It was always an issue during his visits that he smoked. Not only would he go outside to smoke so as not to bother my grandparents, he would often go to the neighbor's house to smoke with her in her garage.
And we weren't supposed to mention the smoking. No talking about things like that in my family.
But on this visit - it seemed things had changed. Grandmother would go outside and sit with him on the bench when he smoked. She would declare with glee that she was going out for a smoke break. I believe there was even some giggling.
I thought about that tonight, and wanted to ask her questions. Things I did not ask when she was alive. Of course I wish I could ask the hard questions, but tonight I wasn't thinking down dark paths. I just wanted to know what it was they talked about on those smoke breaks. And why the sudden change in her attitude towards his habit.
This was my Sunday morning five minute stream of consciousness writing. I've dumped my brain, feel free to dump yours with Fadra.
My Dad used to take "smoke breaks" on Saturday mornings while my mum was mandating a household cleaning. I used to love it because it meant for 7 minutes we could sit and laugh and do nothing.
ReplyDeleteI look at my mom and kids having little giggles and quiet talks. It is bittersweet. As my mother, she was a hard ass, because she was my parent and I don't know too many parents who aren't afraid they'll screw something up. As a grandmother, she relaxes a bit more, and enjoys the company of the grands. Every so often I want to listen, but respect their time together, although I'm dying to know what they are saying. I appreciate that they have this time with her when so many others don't.
ReplyDeleteThis reminded me so much of my own grandma. She wasnt allowed to smoke yet she did it anyways. She'd sneak in the bathroom or basement. Everyone knew she smoked...only she thought that she was good at hiding it.
ReplyDeleteA few times she'd take me with her. Those little talks we had about nothing...were the ones that I will always hold very close to my heart.
I miss her.
Hi! Maybe your Granddaddy was the anti-smoking not your grandmommy?
ReplyDeleteAbout a year before my Dad died (he died at 92) I asked him a question that as an adult I've always wanted to ask someone that had lived a century...I think 8 years from being 100 qualifies..."What do you think is the most significant change you've seen in your lifetime?" My Dad, so like my Dad, didn't want to answer the question and did not. Today, as I write this I identify my disappointment, for you see to me what an awesome question to ask someone who has lived such a long life..what a privilege to ask it!! What a lost opportunity not to respond!
So lovely, Tracie. While I hate that she was exposed to second hand smoke (sorry as a wife of a smoker, I worry about these things!), I love that she chose to spend that time with him. She must have been quite a woman!
ReplyDeleteTraci
When I was in 6th grade, I interviewed my grandmother. She ended up dying before the end of the school year but I'm glad I had a chance to ask her questions I wouldn't have otherwise thought of.
ReplyDeleteIt's always interesting when things like that come up. I know there is a LOT of things that we cannot talk about in my family... and most of it revolves around politics.
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how much can't be talked about in families. We still have those moments, most of which everyone avoids because it will either bring back horrible memories or sparking "discussions" from politics.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes when a couple reaches a certain point in their marriage, things that used to be the most annoying become much, much less so. At least that's how it is with my parents.
ReplyDeleteAll four of my grandparents smoked at one point. Now three of the four are gone.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I thought was that perhaps it was your grandfather who was really against it. Or perhaps she just realized the importance of relationships at all costs.
ReplyDeleteWow. What a great question to ask your grandmother... and to leave space for our children (and their children) to somehow ask us as well.
ReplyDeleteGreat stuff! I popped over from SOCSunday... I am glad I did!
My Nanny smoked too. Regularly, though. I actually didnt call her Nanny. She would have liked that as she was from England. But we weren't accustomed to that here. She was dying of emphysema. Our aunts hated that she still smoked.
ReplyDeleteAs we got older, my sister and I would sneak into her room without their knowing, sit on her bed and smoke "faggies" with her. She was like a young girl sneaking smokes with her girlfriends. It wasn't good to encourage it, of course, but it was special. And she got to be herself. We understood.
I miss her.
a woman is the mouthpiece for the man's attitudes, enforcer of the head of the house. so it was with my folks. when dad died, she could choose her own attitudes, and self-govern.
ReplyDelete