Glimpses of Change

Tonight I found an old song that I loved, but it had been rerecorded when the artist formed a new band. It was the same, but different. It had been changed.

Recently, I reached for a book that spoke to my heart. I was looking for the emotional attachment and inspiration experienced the first time I read it. I kept the book on the left side of my book drawer, because I knew I would need it again, but I felt emotionally removed from it this time, at the very moment my heart was longing to make a connection.

It had been a year since I spent time with someone, and when we got together again, I saw the changes. Different. Unexpected. I have a hard time forgiving these changes, much less embracing them, as if I think that person should stay the same for me. And I pull back, a whisper telling me I don't fit in this new world that has been created.

In one day I hear myself declare, "I want this situation to change!" and in that same day I feel this, "I am scared of change. I don't know how to do it." and I sit in the same place, overwhelmed.

Something hit my heart, solidly, like a brick. I vowed to remember, to count that lesson, to record the change. But the next moment I was distracted, and walked away. I forgot something which had, just a second earlier, been so clear.

I reach out for a connection. Something to move my heart. Something to move my mind. Something to give me direction to a change I so desperately want. And I quickly hide from those thoughts.

Again I hear myself declare my desire for change, and I sit, unmoving, my hands tied.

I am listening to this song that I have loved, and I wince at changes I am not open to hearing. And then I laugh, because at the heart of the song, I hear a message about running away and standing still, a message about change.

And for just a second, I see the glimpse of something clearly...and then it changes, and the glimpse is gone.

Do you have this change thing figured out? 
Do you embrace change, or hide from it?

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