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Friday, March 04, 2011

Filling The Empty Spaces

Carol sank to the bathroom floor, no longer able to hold back the tears. The tiles felt cold against her face, as she stared at a Q-tip that had fallen and rolled under the cabinet. Staring until her eyes blurred with a new rush of tears.

Getting up, Carol reached for the shower knob. She turned the hot all the way to the left. Steam rose from the water.

The razor called out to her from the sink, where Kevin left it sitting that morning, but Carol forced herself to turn away. She quickly peeled off her clothes and stepped into the shower.

The hot stream hit her face, and the water mixed with her tears.

"Come on. Warm up." Carol muttered, shivering.

Maybe a bath would be better.

She pushed the stopper down in the drain hole. Sitting down, she lay her head back and felt the water slowly rise as it flowed out of the shower head, filling all the empty space around her.

"I'm tired," Carol whispered to the water, "Tired of not feeling. Tired of this conflict inside me. Tired of being cold."

The water was coming down hot, but it seemed to cool immediately once it hit the porcelain tub. Her head felt warm, but she was still shivering. It was a weird feeling....but at least it was a feeling.

Grabbing a lungful of air, Carol allowed herself to sink down under the water.

"One. Two. Three." she counted the seconds in her mind, and concentrated on feeling the water around her, "Four. Five. Six. Seven." she concentrated on the sound of the water falling, "Eight. Nine. Ten. Eleven."

Would a little cut matter so much?

What about a big one?

Carol rose out of the water, breathed in deeply and shook her head. "I can't do that to them. The kids are the only ones home, and they would be the ones to find me."  The cold felt like it had reached her soul.

The thoughts pressed in, invading the empty spaces in her mind. She pushed them back, and reminded herself that the kids were the only ones home. When the thoughts kept coming, Carol went down the list and whispered each reason, one by one.

The list of reasons she could not commit suicide.

It took her three times going through the list, but finally the thoughts quieted.

"This is what my life has become," Carol told the water, "All I am is a list of reasons I can't kill myself.

I don't think I have a list of reasons to live. That makes me sad."

Something cold hit her eye, and snapped her out of her thoughts. Carol looked up to see that the shower had run for so long, condensation had built up on the ceiling and was now dripping down in little cold splats.

She watched the drops gather, and tried to guess which one would fall next. A thought ran through her mind, "I don't think I've ever cleaned the ceiling. I wonder how dirty these drops are?"

Splat. The drop landed on her left knee. She watched it slide down her leg until it got lost in the water around her, filling the empty spaces.

"If only this water could fill the empty spaces in my life...." and then, she had a thought, such a small spark of a thought, she barely whispered it to the water, "Filling the empty spaces is a reason to live" and with that, Carol turned off the water and got out of the tub.


This piece of fiction is for the Red Dress Club's writing prompt:
Water gives life. It also takes it away.

Write a short piece - fiction or non-fiction - inspired by one or both of these statements.

Word maximum is 600.




50 comments:

  1. My goodness, Tracie, I would never have thought to write about this for the water prompt. Very clever! Nicely done, too! Wow I love it when I see writing that strays from what would be considered 'the norm'. It's refreshing and if I might say again, Clever! Woot!

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  2. This was dark. A riveting read. *shudders* I liked "filling the empty spaces is a reason to live". Very nice!

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  3. So many empty spaces to fill. So true. Powerful piece. xo

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  4. well done at getting at that feeling of emptiness, without overdoing it. I'm glad she found a reason to not kill herself.

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  5. You are brave to post something of this depth and magnitude. As you know...I relate to this on so many levels. Especially lately.

    Tremendous job, Tracie. Especially with all the details. Love the drips from the ceiling and her feeling so cold despite the hot water....

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  6. Ack! I don't know if my comment took, I screwed up!

    Loved this so much, all the details, the water dripping from the ceiling.

    I won't say more in case I'm repeating myself and my initial comment shows up...will have to check back!

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  7. It's an interesting story. I'd like to see how she got to where she's at and then what she does with her life after the bath.

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  8. Oh goodness! This is majorly depressing... which means you did a really great job! :)

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  9. I love this post. It's definitely a reminder to focus on the positive.

    My post is about a shower as well, but I don't think it's as powerful as yours.

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  10. You described depression so wonderfully. Sometimes the nothing is more overpowering then the everything.. I love this Tracie. I love watching you bloom and grow in your writing..

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  11. Excellent piece. Great job with the prompt. Drew me right in. Love it.

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  12. I'm here from the TRDC and my first thought is "Well done!" This a great story for the prompt. You had me from the beginning to the end.

    I've dealt with serious depression at one time in my life and so I know how Carol felt. It is so hard to pull yourself away from the dark. I liked that you used the idea of "filling the empty spaces..." as a reason for Carol to live.

    Thank you for sharing this story:~)

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  13. Wow.. I love how you captured the feeling of helplessness that all too often can sneak in when we're not prepared. I also love that there was a happy ending filled with determination to fix what was "missing." Great writing!

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  14. A courageous undertaking. There is a rawness here that is very powerful.

    PS I watched your survivor video and I was clutching myself.

    I am your newest follower. Stopping by from TRDC.

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  15. This was so tragic. Each bit, from being cold even though the water was warm to the cold drops from the ceiling to the random, distracted thought about how clean it was.

    I loved how you left her (and me!) with a spark of hope.

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  16. Wonderfully written! I am so glad she didn't kill herself. Makes me want to read more about her!

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  17. Wow. I should do this red writing hood thing...ya know when my life slows down a bit...
    *sigh*
    Love ya Tracie!

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  18. I love the water as a character here, a confessor, a friend, the angel and the devil on her shoulders.

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  19. Well done! I am so glad she didn't clean the ceiling.

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  20. The foreshadowing of the razor on the sink scared me, so glad you did took her to a place of hope. Moving.

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  21. Phew! I'm glad she got out!

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  22. I was so nervous that her children being home and being the ones to find her wouldn't be enough of a reason! Well done!

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  23. Well done!
    Filling the empty spaces. And excellent choice!

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  24. What a great read!!! I was lost I was so drawn in.

    God bless and have a fantastic Friday sweetie.

    Giveaway over at my place! :o)

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  25. Very interesting take on the prompt. Well done!

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  26. I was reading and rooting for her (don't pick up that razor) and rooting for you too (make it a great finish) and both my teams won.

    Nice job. I enjoyed it.

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  27. Filling the empty spaces, one dirty drop at a time. Really interesting imagery!

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  28. Loved it! Very well written and it certainly sends a message that it only takes little things to fill up your heart.

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  29. So beautifully and painfully written! I love that she found something to live for in the end!

    And why is it that only a mom would worry about how dirty their ceiling is? haha

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  30. So nicely done- I liked the mental image you conjured for me.

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  31. Awesome take on the prompt. Some lovely imagery there.

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  32. I agree with other comments. I would never have thought to take this angle. I really enjoyed it!

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  33. Oh my God isn't it funny that you and I were both on the same wavelength! Both yours and mine resemble each others so much

    I'm happy she chose to live...

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  34. You captured that overwhelming repetitive feeling of worthlessness, the suicidal thought waves that keep crashing until you either follow through or you're pulled from the darkness to the light.

    This is good..

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  35. Very dark, but glad she had the a-ha moment in the end. Loved your water details, from the water being chilled from the porcelain's touch to the condensation's build up, dripping to her knee. :>

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  36. Wow, this is so strong and real- how the only thing that keeps her from killing herself is the kids finding her- how many don't even have their mind remembering that in that moment? I also love that she finds her determination for searching her purpose at the end- really great post.

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  37. There is so much honesty in this post.
    So many people feel this way on a daily basis.
    You did a great job of capturing her desperation.

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  38. This post really hits home. I know in the past I've gone through an episode here and there and ultimately, the thoughts of filling in the empty spaces is just want gets me moving. Life isn't easy and it's not always happy, but it's certainly worth living to experience life with all the loved ones in our lives. Thanks for this!

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  39. The description of the coldness within that she never can seem to warm up--that very definitely struck a nerve. I was very happy that you gave your character a reason to live!

    Great story!

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  40. I really loved all the detail surrounding her deeper thought. Concentrating on the q-tip underneath the sink. Watching the the condensation gather on the ceiling, wondering which would drop next. Those details are what made the story feel totally genuine. Well done.

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  41. I LOVE the way this ended. Hope in the face of darkness. Love it. This was very descriptive and very well written. Good job!

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  42. Breathtaking. Just breathtaking, my friend.

    I am without more words (and you know how rare that is).

    :-)
    Traci

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  43. So Beautifully written, Tracie....Really wonderful in every way!

    Thanks so much for stopping by and for your kind and caring words about the loss of Betty....This is a really tough one....And I'm not sure I will ever get over it, either......But we trudge on.

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  44. You know this one hits home with me. Your fiction is getting better with each prompt. Nicely done!

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  45. My goodness girlfriend! This post had it all- I hung onto every single crushing, heart wrenching, sad, provocative word. I'd say that your job is done here! Well done, lady! Well done, indeed!

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  46. Beautiful, Tracie! Excellent story very well told!

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