Midnight Pilates

I have decided to take up exercising. I know. You never expected it of me, did you? Tracie. The junk food junkie (which might explain why I need to exercise! Just a thought) the woman who doesn't run unless she is being chased....and the other person has weapons.

I partly blame Erin, the exercise queen. She talks about doing the Jillian Shred dvd and I think, "I could do that" well, not Jillian. There is no way I'm doing THAT, but I could pull out my Denise Austin Pilates again.

I started out easy. The first week I got the dvd out from where it was hiding behind the tv and set it on top of the dvd player. That was a major feat.

At least once a day I looked at it. My eyes felt skinnier already.

I knew that if I really wanted to concentrate on doing Pilates correctly, I would have to do it when everyone else at my house was asleep. I made a commitment to myself....Midnight Pilates.

I was doing really great. My friend helped by tweeting encouraging things to me.

One night I skipped though. The next night I wanted to go to bed a little early. I realized that skipping two nights in a row was the pathway to quitting, so I talked myself into doing 11:30 Pilates.

Thomas happened to still be awake, so I told him that I was going to do my Midnight Pilates a little early.

Thomas, "How long does it take?"

"About twenty minutes," I told him.

I started getting ready, putting on exercising clothes, filling up a glass of water, braiding my hair, and pulling out the dvd. And yes, I realize that there is something ludicrous about doing all of this at midnight every night.

Thomas, "Oh. Do you have to use the tv to do that?"

Tracie, "Um. Yeah. I don't just lay down on the floor and DO pilates that I make up in my mind. I have to follow the instructions."

I turn on the dvd and start Pilating. Yes I made that word up. Don't judge.

Denise's Perky Voice, "Zip up those abs! Pull that tummy in!"

Tracie's Mind, "okay breath out. Suck in tummy...........ah! I'm holding my breath again. Breathe out."

I am in the middle of doing this:

(I know you are thinking to yourself that it doesn't look hard, but there is more movement involved!)

I realize that I am being watched. I look up and Thomas is just sitting there staring at me. Which makes me feel silly and then the giggles start. Have you tried holding in your tummy, breathing, and balancing all while having a giggle fit?

It gets harder when you are doing this:

Denise's Perky Voice, "Hold it...two more seconds. Keep those abs tight and pulled in. Slowly lower those legs, but keep your shoulder blades up off the ground"

Tracie's Mind, "She is going to make me do this one more time. Breathe out slowly and HOLD THOSE ABS IN"

Thomas, "How much longer do you have to do this?"

Tracie ignores Thomas.

Deinise's Perky Voice, "This is all about the core. Think about your core and hold those tummys up and in"

While doing this:

Tracie's Mind, "Yeah yeah. The core. I'm going to core YOU Denise."

Then I have to do something that looks like this:

(Only I'm doing all of these at the same time. And there is no beach.
Also I'm walking uphill in the snow both ways.)

At that moment Thomas pipes back in with, "She doesn't have a belly button."

Tracie (out of breath and balancing on one foot), "What?"

Thomas, "She doesn't have a belly button."

Tracie, "What are you talking about? Yes she does. You can see it right there."

Denise's Pesky Perky Voice, "You are doing great! Just five more seconds now...keep concentrating on that core. Your abs are pulled in and you are growing taller. Grow taller. Elongate. Now let's do something a little harder...."

Right, because growing taller isn't hard at all.

This is exactly how I looked. Promise.

Tracie's Mind, "Breathe out very slowly. Suck in stomach. Suck in stomach. Don't fall. Why do I feel lightheaded? Oh! Breathe back in...but only a little bit because I have to SUCK IN MY STOMACH"

Thomas, "You know what I mean, there is no where for her belly button to go."

Tracie, "Really? I am over here balancing on one finger and you want to have a conversation about where skinny people's belly button's go? Is that what we are going to do right now?"

End Midnight Pilates.

All these pictures are from Photoree because I certainly wan't going to ask Thomas to take pictures of me Pilating. 

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